Altered Ego
by stillwaters72
Summary: Edward Cullen, movie star isolated by his own fame. Bella Swan, small-town home-maker seeking self-expression. Both find freedom to be themselves in an online fandom. What happens when their RL worlds collide? Rated M: adult lang/content/themes
1. Hardcore

Altered Ego

**a/n: For months this story has been jumping up and down in my brain until, finally, I could no longer ignore it. So – here it is, cheese and all – I hope you enjoy it!**

**Loves to my proofreaders Wonderfully Bedazzled and Mylittle Bakersdozen (who are educating me in the finer points of grammar and providing the spit-polish), ****WoahNow for ensuring my Brits are British, ****and my pre-readers: LasVegas TowGirls; KikiTheDreamer; Jade GreenEyes; and Nikka Bella. What a great team of people who patiently allow me to obsess over plot and encouraged me when I was uncertain about how this Fic would be received. **

**Thank you, Stephanie Meyer, for allowing all of us writers in the fandom to play with your characters. Obviously, I am not she, and I own nothing Twilighted.**

Chapter One: Hardcore

**EPOV**

Turning my head, I looked at the clock on the nightstand.

Blink.

6:55 am

The ceiling looked like it needed to be repainted.

Blink.

6:56

Looked like it will be another sunny day in Los Angeles.

Blink.

6:57

Turning my head, I gazed at the pristinely made left side of my bed. There were no wrinkles in the bedspread and no dent in the pillow.

Blink.

6:58

Flipping back the covers, I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of my bed.

Blink.

6:59

I stretched with a groan and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before running my hands through my sleep-mussed hair. I needed a haircut.

Blink.

7:00

I deftly switched off my alarm clock as soon as the annoying, penetrating blare began.

Picking my shirt up off the floor, I pulled it over my head before hobbling off to my attached bath. Hello, Monday morning.

I dressed into my usual jeans and tee, pulled on some socks, and headed down the hall to my son's bedroom. I gave the door a few raps as I opened it.

"Hey, Dominic, Buddy, time to get up," I said, walking over to the side of his bed. Leaning over his sleeping form, I gently rubbed his side, "Hey, come on Buddy, we have to get up and get to school."

Nic rolled over, blinking his green eyes blearily at me. "Is it morning, Daddy?" he asked groggily, squinting at the light coming into his room as I opened the curtains on his window.

"Yes it is, bud, so get dressed okay, and I'll see you downstairs. Oh, and remember to put on clean underpants," I said to my little man, as I walked out the door. I headed downstairs and went right to the kitchen. Opening the freezer, I pulled out a box of Nic's favourite, chocolate chip waffles, and popped two into the toaster. While they toasted, I started on his lunch.

I heard the soft padding of Nic's feet entering the kitchen just as I was placing his peanut butter and jam sandwich with a juice box in his red and black Spiderman lunch box. Looking at him over my shoulder, I suppressed a laugh. "Your shirt is on backwards, little man," I told him, keeping a straight face. Nic had zero sense of Ha-Ha in the morning - his developing ego tended to be a touch volatile when he was not quite awake.

I got Nic set up at the breakfast bar with his waffles, and then packed away his lunch box in with his school books in his Spiderman backpack. Smiling inside, I brushed imaginary dust off the bag, pleased that he was still little enough for cartoon characters. I wonder when he starts grade three next year if Spiderman will still be cool. Does anyone say cool anymore?

Shaking my head at my own internal musing, I leaned against the counter, sipped at my coffee and checked over my agenda for the day that my sister Alice had e-mailed me. There wasn't much - a few reminders of business calls that I needed to return and a note that she would be over this morning to do some research with me on my new project.

I was truly blessed to not only have an excellent working relationship with my sister, but we were close too. In reality we weren't siblings at all. Alice's father and my own grew up together, went to medical school together, double-dated when wooing their future spouses and ultimately worked together in the same hospital. Our two families, Cullen and Brandon, were bound by ties of affection and deep friendship.

Alice and I were born the same day, one year apart; her parents are my god-parents and vice-versa. We practically shared the same back garden and have been pretty much inseparable since nappies. She was best friend, my strongest advocate and was never afraid to kick my ass when I needed it.

I was fortunate to have her as my personal-assistant slash micro-manager. She stepped into the role when my life was in chaos, with both my career taking off and the role of fatherhood thrust unexpectedly and literally into my lap. She even made the move with me from Britain to the USA, giving me family, home and stability.

I finished up my coffee at the same time that Nic finished his breakfast. I sent him upstairs to brush his teeth and hair while I searched out my car keys. I pulled a ball cap onto my head and slipped on my favourite pair of sunglasses. In no time the two of us were out the door, in my family-friendly Volvo, and on the road. It had taken a bit, but we now had our morning routine down.

The drive through morning Los Angeles traffic to Dominic's private school always took longer than I liked, but, all in all, it was acceptable. It was a good school accustomed to housing and protecting students of a certain stature. Other than traffic it was in reasonable proximity to the gated community in which we lived.

I pulled into line behind the other shiny high-end vehicles and the odd limo in the drop-off horseshoe of the school, glancing around per usual at the rush of people. I let out a sigh of relief that it was the usual collection of parents, children and teachers intermixed with both the private and school security.

When it was our turn, I reached behind me and handed Nic his backpack as he unsnapped his seatbelt and began pulling his body out of the booster seat that he still needed.

"Alright, Buddy, you have a good day today. Daddy will be getting you after school, alright?" I told him, barely getting a response as he was already pushing open the door, eager to get going.

"Hey Nic, what did I say?" I pressed.

Nic stopped and rolled his eyes, which caused my eyebrows to rise in surprise. "You are picking me up today," he replied in a rush.

"Thank you. Love you Buddy."

"Love you too, Daddy. Bye!" With that he was out the door and I was alone in my car. I rubbed, absently, at my chest. It wasn't necessarily anxiety, but something akin to it that I felt every time I left him. My little boy was growing up.

Nic turned as he trotted away and waved. With a grin, I waved in return, my chest swelling with pride. My grin turned to a grimace with the sight of his teacher Miss Stanley rushing towards me. Her face was beaming and she waved enthusiastically at me. While she never really crossed the line of professionalism, her attempts at flirting had always made me feel awkward. In her own bumbling way, she was relentless.

The large shiny Lexus behind me honked its horn, saving me, and with an apologetic smile and short wave I quickly drove away. Jessica was pretty and pleasant and my son adored her, but even though it had been forever since I had a lady friend of any sort, dating simply was not on my radar.

Traffic was slightly eased as I made my way home. The usual paps were stalking the main gates but didn't bother me overly much as I punched in the code and drove on. Opening the gate to my home with the remote in my vehicle, I entered the laneway and parked beside Alice's car. She obviously had arrived while I was taking my son to school.

"Alice?" I called out, as I entered my home, dropping my keys and removing my, albeit, feeble attempts of maintaining anonymity. I combed my fingers through my hair to remove any trace of hat hair, resulting in more of a mess.

"Kitchen," she yelled from the bowels of the house.

I walked into the kitchen and found Alice sitting at the granite-topped island. She had both my lap top open as well as hers. Pouring myself a cup of coffee from the pot, I stepped up behind her and looked over her shoulder. What I saw made me gasp and choke on my gulp of coffee, as it slammed into my windpipe, causing me to start coughing roughly.

"Bloody hell, Alice, what are you looking at?" I spluttered, still coughing. She shushed me with an annoyed hand wave, absorbed in whatever she was looking at. Finally catching my breath, I dared another look over her shoulder.

Alice had multiple windows open on each screen. What. The. Fuck. There were pictures of me. Well, kind of, because I sure as hell didn't remember being in any photo shoots like that. Shifting the laptop closer to myself, I started flipping through the variety of windows.

There were photos of me that I was familiar with, from promotional magazine shoots, red carpet events and other galas, as well as quite a few of the much abhorred paparazzi photos. It was the nudes, however, that had me reeling. I was assaulted with dozens of photographs from mild to extreme levels of nudity, cock shots aplenty.

"Seriously, Alice, what the hell?" I croaked out, pointing at the screen.

She glanced over quickly, "Those are photo manipulations, Edward. Your face on another man's body." Well duh, I have looked in the mirror lately, but why? "And you are looking at pornography with my face - why exactly?"

"Just checking in on the Edward Cullen fandom"

"What? This is crazy. Where do they find all this bollocks? What is _that_?" I asked, gesturing to the window of text on her laptop.

"Fanfiction. Now shush! It is just getting to the good stuff," she said with another wave off. I leaned over her shoulder, and if I thought the porn was bad, what I saw her reading left me completely speechless.

"Again, bloody hell Alice! Are they doing what I think they are?"

Alice looked at me over her shoulder with a smirk, "Been that long, Edward, that you don't recognize the act even when written in such vivid detail? I will bookmark this, you might learn something." I am sure I looked at her with something akin to horror.

Alice sat back in her seat and turned to face me, her head tilted and her face perplexed.

"Seriously, Edward, have you never googled yourself?"

"What? No! And what the fuck is fanfiction?" I asked, shell-shocked.

"It's a whole new world, big brother. Your fans and the media have changed since you filmed the first movie seven years ago"

"I can see that…it looks really…um…hard core," I said with a gulp.

~~~AE~~~

Alice and I spent the rest of the morning exploring the so-called 'Fandom'. She was concerned that the producers would want to utilize both it and the fan base it engendered for promotional purposes. She left me with a kiss on the cheek and instructions to explore a list of links, which she left with me, to familiarize myself with my fans. I had thought the paparazzi were ruthless. This was a whole other universe.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur. After Alice left, I quickly made my required phone calls, looked over extensive project notes and timelines, and before I knew it, it was time to pick up Dominic from school.

The rest of the evening followed a strict routine of homework, dinner and one-on-one time. Dominic had a full-time nanny, but when I was between shoots, like now, I preferred to do all the parenting myself. It was important to me that Nic had the most normal life possible. It was the least I could do for him and for me.

Only after my son was bathed, which for some reason had become a battle point lately, and he was asleep and secure in his bedroom, did I approach the laptop still sitting on the kitchen island. With trepidation, I raised the screen and woke the machine up with a few flicks of the spacebar.

Ten years ago, I was just a normal boy. Well, not really. I was never the football or rugby type like my cousin Emmett. Rather, I was the glee and chess-club type, tall, soft-bodied and awkward.

Nine years ago, I had, overnight it seems, grew into my stature, lost the baby fat and suddenly was _pretty_. Geek to pretty-boy never really felt like a step up to me, but it did get me cast as lead in the community production of Othello.

Eight years ago, I was founded, cast and portrayed the lead in a small-budget movie based on a little-known fantasy novel about vampires. It was my big break.

Seven years ago, the movie was released and my life has never been the same. Suddenly I was a celebrity, a movie star and a father.

Since then I have tempered the initial frenzy, in no small part to the help of Alice and other members of my family. I had managed to establish a life for myself and Dominic and even created a stable acting career.

Now, it looked like the frenzy was due to start all over again. When I made that movie, there was only one book. Now that harpy had gone and written a sequel. I, in my wisdom of all of twenty years of age, had signed a contract that obligated me to perform in any future sequels

With a sigh, I clicked open a browser window and typed in the first address Alice had written down.

~~~AE~~~

**BPOV**

It was raining. In Forks. Big surprise. I knelt down in front of Elizabeth and helped her to button up her fire-engine red rain coat. She had just received a rainy-day essentials package from her Grandma Biers, in ready-to-go size seven. As soon as Elizabeth saw the ducky umbrella, she wanted to go play outside. I was more than happy to oblige.

Once Elizabeth was decked out in her new splash pants, slicker, hat and rain boots, I handed her the umbrella. "Okay, sweetheart, now you go splash away, but stay in the backyard."

"Okay, Mommy," she replied. Her eyes, which are so much like mine, were bright and shiny. Really, if it wasn't for the fact that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Riley was her father, one would think she was an immaculate conception. She looked just like me at the same age.

Shutting the door behind my daughter, I turned and headed into the kitchen. I checked the clock on the stove and confirmed that I had just a couple hours left until Riley would be getting home from work at the station. I had already prepped the roast, so I turned the oven on and set about peeling the potatoes at the kitchen sink where I could watch my little girl play in the rain through the window.

After the potatoes, I peeled carrots, cut them both up and added to the roasting pan with the beef, covered it with some tinfoil and put it in the oven. I loved one-pan meals. It made clean-up so much easier.

I washed my hands at the kitchen sink, took another look at my daughter out the window, and then dried them with the dishtowel. Dinner was in the oven and the kitchen was tidy. Smiling to myself, I skipped across the linoleum to the kitchen table and opened up my laptop. While my computer booted up I collected my iPhone from where I had it charging on the counter.

Riley had given me the fancy phone for Christmas. I friggin' loved it. The apps were cheap and it had everything I could need or want. It was loaded up with all my apps, had text messaging and even a few games. I had also downloaded some activities for Elizabeth to enjoy, which was very handy when waiting at the doctor's office or during the long drive to Seattle to visit Riley's family.

Phone in hand, I returned to the kitchen table and opened up my browser, directing it to my favourite social network site, while I simultaneously checked my Twitter feed on my phone. Most of the chatter today was over potential locations for the filming of _Morning Dawn_, the sequel to _Eternal Midnight_.

I checked through my messages, made a few comments, and got caught up scrolling through some new photos of Edward Cullen, the star of _Eternal Midnight_. The pictures were grainy, obviously taken from a distance, and did not do him justice. In fact, with his ball cap and dark sunglasses on, you wouldn't know it was him if you didn't know what to look for.

I knew to look for the fact that he always wore the same sunglasses, for one, and his swoon-worthy cut-glass jaw was hard to hide. I closed the link and stood to look out the window, again, to check on my daughter.

It seemed ironic that my daughter and Edward Cullen's son shared the same birthday. Somewhere, near in time, across the continents, he got one floozy pregnant while I also got pregnant acting like one. Not that in a million years would I wish Elizabeth away, but…it was okay to wish for another kind of life, right? Coming back to Forks to stay certainly wasn't how I had planned ending my freshman year of college.

My best friend, Jake, had given me a copy of the book _Eternal Midnight_ as a baby shower gift, something new to read during those sleepless nights with a newborn. I read it cover-to-cover five times in those first few months.

When the movie came out, I wasn't able to go since I had to stay home to take care of Elizabeth. So Riley bought me the movie on DVD as soon as it was released. Both came to replace my tattered copies of Austen and Bronte as my sanity-savers in those early years, as I settled in as a mom and Riley and I set up life here in Forks.

The years have gone by quickly. Despite the surprise of a baby, when we were barely even dating, Riley stepped up to the plate eagerly. He was just finishing his degree in criminology and Charlie got him on with the police department here in Forks.

His family, however, has yet to forgive me for 'holding him back' and regelating him to a two-bit town with no real opportunity for advancement career-wise. Ah, well they spoiled and loved their grand-daughter with equal fervour to their condescension towards me. It could be worse.

I ran my hands over the lightly chipped Formica countertops, checked on dinner and called Elizabeth inside to do her homework.

~~~AE~~~

I eyed the flowers I had placed in the vase, sitting in the centre of the table, warily. It never bode well when Riley came home with flowers. They were always intended to soften me up. What was it to be tonight? Announcement of a visit to his parents? Perhaps he just wanted to get laid?

"So, me and some of the boys from the station are heading over to the Legion tonight to watch the game on the big screen. Babe, is that okay with you?" Riley said, sopping up the last of his gravy on his plate with half a roll. Ah, a night out with the boys.

"Sounds like fun," I replied, my tone neutral. Seriously, between work and the Legion, Riley was rarely home. He had even started fishing on the weekends like Charlie. It was like being a single parent except that I didn't work. With the exception of walking Elizabeth to school and running to the grocery store, I hardly ever left the house.

"Hey, don't be like that, Babe," he whined, leaning over to give me a peck on the cheek. "I promise not to be too late and I'll tuck in Elizabeth before I go." I rolled my eyes and smiled in acquiescence. Really, he worked hard, who was I to complain if he spent some time out.

"Oh, you got some mail today," he said, rising and walking away from the table. He returned shortly with a large white envelope. "Looks like your latest course package arrived," Riley explained, handing the envelope to me.

I took the package from him with a giddy grin. With a smile brightening his handsome features, Riley gave me a kiss on the top of the head. "I knew that would brighten your day," he said, still smiling. "So what are you taking this time, another writing course?"

"No, this is an office management course," I told him, eyeing the envelope and then laying it down on the table.

"Office management?"

"Yeah, you know, stuff that secretaries or assistants need to know. I can't just keep taking courses willy-nilly just because they look fun. Time to buckle down and do something that can help me get a job," I explained, starting to clear the dishes from the table. Elizabeth had pushed all of her carrots to one side of her plate. I pushed half of them back to the centre, I indicated to them with a point of my finger and a raised brow. She let out a huff and pouted but began to grudgingly eat.

Riley followed me into the kitchen. "You already have a job, Babe, and you don't need to worry about that stuff," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist from where he stood behind me, as I started to run the sink. "I love you having your hobbies, but there's plenty for you to do around here, and I make enough for us, don't I?" Riley spoke lowly, resting his chin on my shoulder.

Ah, yes, I had forgotten that my classes, which I took through extended education, one at a time, were but a diversion. Taking a deep breath, I resisted the urge to sigh, rather I let it out slowly. "It just looked interesting is all. Never know what the future holds."

"Making plans without me?" Riley's grip on my hips tightened.

"No, just exploring," I said, with feigned nonchalance. "Besides, I have already taken all the liberal arts classes they offer."

"God, you're so smart. I love you, Babe," he breathed into my ear, pressing his lips to my neck and his hips to my backside.

"Riley," I hissed, glancing over to the table. He muttered something then stepped away from me.

"Are you done with your dinner there, Pumpkin? A pretty bird reminded me that it's time for my princess to have her bath." Riley smacked me on the rear, grinning, as he went to collect our daughter for her bedtime routine.

While Riley bathed and settled in with Elizabeth to read her a book, I washed up the dinner dishes. By the time our little girl was asleep and Riley was out the door, I was firmly ensconced in my online world. Forks may be a small town out on the tip of the Olympic Peninsula, but with my laptop and wifi, I had the world at my fingertips.

After the release of _Eternal Midnight,_ I found blogs and fan sites dedicated to the movie, the book and the actors. That is when I first started crushing on Edward Cullen. It seemed silly and inconsequential at the time.

Then last year, a sequel to the book was released. The publication of _Morning Dawn_ changed everything. While _Eternal Midnight_ was an innocent story of impossible love between a vampire and a teenage girl, _Morning Dawn_ was anything but. The first book had a cult following and it seemed that both the author and the publishers realized that those once teens who bought the book off the shelf and attended the movie in droves were now all grown up.

There was certainly nothing PG about the second book, and it was reported that the movie would have an R rating, much to the titillation of the dedicated fans.

Over the years, the nature of the fan sites had changed as well. There was even an entire social network dedicated just to us _Nightwalkers_, avid fans of the story. I was a founding member. Riley was aware of my interest, but the only person who knew all my secrets was Jacob Black. He even knew that I wrote fan fiction. He is the only one that knows that Bella Swan has an alter ego, that I am also known as _Eternally Beautiful_.

I wrote for a bit on my newest story. When I looked at the clock and saw that it was after ten o'clock. I packed my laptop and cup of tea to the bedroom and got ready for bed. I settled down in our double bed, laptop on my knees, and glanced at the empty side that Riley used. With a sigh, I resigned myself to the fact that he probably would be a few hours yet.

I logged into the _Nightwalkers_ social network and checked my messages and explored the threads to see if there was anything new. Discussion around the possible filming locations now included rumours of Washington State. Now that would be interesting. I bit my lip at that thought. Dream scenarios drifted through my mind.

I was pulled from my reverie by an indication on my screen that I had a new friend request. With a tap on the touchpad, I opened the link. _Midnight Solitude_? I looked over the information: female; single; lives in Los Angeles; loves vampires. Well, duh. What was unique was that not only did we have no friends in common, but she did not have any friends at all. A newbie. There was an attached message with the request, reading, "I really enjoyed your story."

With a shrug, I accepted the friend request and closed the window. Closing my laptop, I placed it on the nightstand and clicked off my bedside lamp.

Laying my head down, I allowed images of being swept off my feet by one Edward Cullen, via a chance meeting while filming on location near Forks, Washington. Hmm, that would make a good plot.

12


	2. Another Day in Paradise

Altered Ego

**a/n: Bless my beta's who must endure my inability to properly utilize a comma key: Wonderfully Bedazzled and mylittlebakersdozen. Thank you WoahNow for keeping the Brit in my British! Hugs to my partners in crime (aka pre-readers): KikiTheDreamer, Alice and Nikka (aka Muse2MyMojo). All these ladies are talented – go check them out! **

**A super special shout-out to my birthday girl Heidilynn Cullen – sorry I'm missing your special day but just one more month till we do tequila shots, m'kay? Happy Birthday!**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing Twilight – the character's are all Stephanie's – but this story is mine.**

Chapter Two: Another Day in Paradise

**EPOV**

The first few links on Alice's list were to fan sites. I was familiar with these, having done the occasional Comic-Con interview over the years. They contained the usual biography, press photos and media schedule. What struck me was the number of fan-taken photos and stories. It's not like I didn't know I had fans; which was the reason why I had security. I needed to maintain privacy for myself and my son.

What I didn't realize was how personally they took their _perceived_ relationship with me. I made a mental note to take more time in the future for signing autographs and smiling for pictures. As Alice liked to remind me whenever I grumped about press junkets, the fans made me and the fans can break me. The producers take that shit seriously.

However, I take the paparazzi pictures seriously, and I take notes of the sites posting many of these stolen moments from my private life. Images that involve my son set my teeth on edge. With the beginning of a tension headache, I vowed to have Alice communicate my wishes somehow to these sites. There had to be a way to give my fans something without completely giving over my whole self as well as keeping my kid out of it.

After scanning over a few of the Edward Cullen fan sites, I moved on to blogs. These I found to land in two categories: blogs about myself and blogs for my character _Garrett_ from _Eternal Midnight_, as well as sites for the book and/or movie.

I wasn't even into the second site on the list when I had to go and fetch myself a beer from the fridge. Standing by my fridge, I downed half the bottle before pressing my forehead against the cool stainless steel. Seeing those images for the second time around was no easier than the first time this morning. The churning in my gut, an indication of my anxiety, was starting to slip into outrage. _How fucking dare they?_ Who the fuck are these people?

Turning back to the kitchen island, I sat back down on the stool and resting my elbow on the counter surface, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips. From this position, I gulped down another large swig, while eyeing the computer screen.

Wiping my mouth on my arm, I released a large burp, courtesy of my earlier rapid imbibing. I almost giggled to myself, wondering what these fans would think if they could see me barley belching in my worn-out t-shirt and sleep pants. Would I still be sexy, ladies?

The first site on the list was titled _Sexward _and only posted those images that Alice called photo manipulations. I will not lie; they made me more than a little uncomfortable. Inadequacy issues aside, the nude, partially nude and coitus images left me feeling exposed and, well, violated. I could only imagine what Angela would think of these pictures. Of course, knowing my co-star, she would think they were hilarious.

There were several more similar sites, the only differences being quality and the extent of the pornography. Some of the images were so well done that I was taken back and had to take a moment to convince myself that there was no way it could be authentic. I could only hope that my family had, and would never be, exposed to these. That would make for an interesting conversation.

I finished my beer and left to fetch another before moving on to the next website on the list. Rubbing the back of my neck, I stretched my legs out, sipping idly. The sites that seemed to focus more on the characters from the book and thus film – soon to be films, were less disturbing but got me wondering. Did these people, - fans-, _whatever_, even distinguish between me, or Angela and Ben, for that matter, and the characters we portrayed?

It brought back memories of the first couple years after the release of _Eternal Midnight_ to the cinema. For a while I could go nowhere without having someone or many, many someones, yelling for my attention by calling out _Garrett_ instead of _Edward_. Jesus, somewhere in those hazy drunken memories, I am pretty sure more than one chippy may have even called that name while I fucked her.

Fucking hell, didn't any of these people have better things to do than obsess over my coming and goings and my sex life – nonexistent as it is, in reality. The amount of time and effort that they put into these websites was stunning. Part of me knew I should feel flattered, but the churning in my guts overrode that rational thought.

I also had some concerns regarding their mental stability. How many lived in some delusional wonderland where there was little or no distinction between reality and fantasy? A shudder briefly ran through me at the implications of such thoughts. I was reconsidering my earlier decision to make myself more available to my fans.

I could, however, appreciate why the studio loved all this. It was basically free advertising. Between Twitter, social networks, blog sites and instant messaging, the studio could throw a bone for peanuts and reap the benefits of hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of advertising. I suppose this is what I get paid the big bucks for. I chuckled grimly at that, since that old contract didn't leave me much wiggle room for negotiations in the event of a sequel. Being the face of a franchise was really not what I wanted at this point in my career. I thought I was finally past the point of vampire teeth.

Closing the window I had been viewing, I rubbed my toes together and drained my beer. The last link Alice had written down for me had a star and a happy face annotated next to it. Checking the time, I saw that it was only a little past nine o'clock. With a heavy sigh, I stretched out my arms above my head and stretched out the stiffness in my back caused by hunching over my computer.

I rose and padded softly out of the kitchen, up the stairs and down the hall to my boy's room. Peering around his door, I could see Dominic dimly by the light of his Spiderman nightlight. I personally found the reddish glow it made creepy. but he would have no other, so I left it alone. He was snuggled in and sleeping soundly.

He may be the reason I will never again trust a condom that comes out of a woman's purse, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Making my way back to the kitchen, I flipped off lights as I went and checked the security alarm, ensuring that it was armed and functioning for the night. Back in the kitchen, I only left the one pot-light above the sink on, so it and the glow from the laptop screen were the only light in the otherwise darkened room.

Grabbing another beer from the fridge, I returned to my stool and typed in the Alice-starred address into the URL box. I twisted the cap off my bottle and flipped it onto the counter where it came to rest next to the other bottle caps and two empty beer bottles. Usually, this is when I would be falling asleep to the nightly news. Rarely could I last to the late shows.

Sipping from my bottle, I narrowed my eyes at the screen, taking in the words. It was one of those _Fan Fiction_ sites that Alice had told me about. She had explained that the author of the books _Eternal Midnight_ and _Morning Dawn_, _Misty Mallone,_ had given her permission to an online fiction website to allow for the posting of fan fiction or stories based on the characters and plots from her books. Apparently it was huge and had blog sites and other networks dedicated just to discussing the _fic_ and their _authors._

I thought the whole thing was ridiculous. I clicked on the biography of the author that the link had taken me to. _Eternally Beautiful_ was the author's name. I snorted, _ri-ght_, whatever. Apparently names chosen were plays off the title or characters from the franchise. The short bio read that she was female - no shit Sherlock. She's a stay-at-home-mom; who else would have the time to indulge in this nonsense, I snorted. And that she loved the Midnight genre and characters, especially Garrett, was no big surprise.

She was probably some bored, lonely housewife with a couch-potato husband with little to no sex-life and obviously no life in general. A little voice in the back of my head asked the pot to meet the kettle, but I shrugged it off, irritation taking precedence in my thoughts. Really, if she wanted to write fiction so badly, why didn't she just write for real?

There was also a link to her profile to some social networking site called the _Nightwalkers_. What the hell? I had heard of Facebook and MySpace, but never this. I clicked on the link, sliding my fingers across the touch pad and tapping it sharply. Unfortunately, the fecking thing just went to a log-in/account set-up screen. Annoyed, I snapped my fingers against the touchpad, again, taking me back to the fan fiction page.

Alice had made a big deal about this lady's stories, so I clicked on the first one from her story list. I slouched over the counter, resting my head on one hand, and taking slugs from my beer, held in the other. There was some disclaimer written above the title stating that it was a one-shot, whatever that was, and some warning about graphic-adult content.

It began with an innocent enough scene from the original book, one where Garrett and Kate were laying in Kate's bedroom talking about what it is to be a vampire. It then deviated from the book quickly. Talking morphed into snogging, which moved on into passionate lovemaking.

At the beginning, I scoffed and rolled my eyes. As I continued to read, my face grew hot and my breathing accelerated and I gulped down the last of my beer as I read the extensive and detailed descriptions of who licked, kissed and sucked what. Finally, as Garrett's and Kate's bodies plunged together, I was rubbing myself, absently, through my light flannel pants.

_Holy Shit!_

Part of me was pleased that poor hundred-year-old virgin boy, Garret, finally got a good shag. Another part was turned on as all fuck by what can only be described as erotica. The last part, the strongest third, was completely and utterly mortified that I was attempting to rub one out to detailed images of myself and Angela.

Truly, the writer was not describing the characters from the book as much as she was giving the physical descriptions of my co-star Angela and myself. Honestly, that more than a little, creeped me out. When Angela and I had worked together on _Eternal Midnight_, she was just kid, not even eighteen. I have never seen her as anything other than a sister, or perhaps a cousin, or more truthfully, that awkward friend of your sister. Whatever, it still felt incestuous.

I raised my hands to face, roughly rubbing my eyes and cheeks and then raking my fingers through my hair. I was feeling more than slightly buzzed, as I picked up the empty bottles, taking them to the sink to rinse prior to pitching them into the recycle bin.

Leaning back against the counter, I gazed blindly at the dimly lit room. I became an actor because I liked to act. Fame was a necessary evil. Fame brought the pick of roles and a sense of control over my career. I had dealt with the fame and the fans, through strict privacy guidelines and my publicist, until today.

With a glare at the laptop I realized just how sheltered I had been. I was pissed. Well and truly pissed.

Returning to my seat in front of the laptop, I sat, one hand stuck under the opposite arm, the fingers of my other hand pulling and pinching my bottom lip. I hit the back button, taking me to the author page. Sucking my bottom lip in, I gnawed on it, rubbed my temples and scratched my brows. A plan percolated and I chuckled deep in my chest.

Turn around is fair play, right? I clicked on the _Nightwalkers_ link. With a smug grin, I moved the cursor over the _new account_ button. Maybe it was time for me to stalk my stalkers.

**BPOV**

The morning light shone dimly through the half-opened slats of the mini-blinds on the bedroom window. My eyes fluttered open minutely, long enough to catch the time on my digital alarm clock before closing again. Ten more minutes. I snuggled down under the comforter, my body heavy and relaxed.

A large heavy hand rested on my ribcage. It moved, sliding over and up my strangely unclothed skin, until it grasped my breast gently. I gasped as it squeezed my flesh, the thumb rubbing lazy circles over my pebbled and erect nipple. The sensation speared me hotly between my legs and I moaned, wanting more.

My hips began to rock by their own accord, responding to the continued deft ministration of the practiced hand on my breast. A deep appreciative hum left my lips as soft wet kisses travelled across my shoulders and an erection pressed against my bare behind. I rocked my buttocks against it in invitation, my thighs parting.

The hand complied, trailing down my belly, moving to where I ached and yearned to be touched. I snaked my arm out from under the covers, reaching back and ran my hand across a scruffy chin until I reached and fixed my fingers in silky strands. "Edward," I breathed out, half voice and half sigh.

I had just caught a glimpse of gold and red lit locks when my alarm went off. My hand smacked the snooze button automatically then I froze.

Shit, shit, and double-shit. I could feel the weight of Riley's body next to me through the mattress. I didn't move, I didn't dare breathe, my fingertips rested on the nightstand.

Riley rolled over, his body pressed up against mine, and he wrapped his arm around my middle. I started to panic, knowing my penchant for talking in my sleep. I silently begged whatever spirits that be, that I had not moaned Edward Cullen's name out loud while my boyfriend lay beside me.

Riley released a loud snort-snore and I relaxed immediately. He was still sleeping. I cuddled into his embrace, the residual sexual tension from my sexy, sleepy fantasy still coursing through me. Succinctly, I was feeling rather randy. I rubbed my bottom inquisitively against Riley's groin, seeking out morning wood. Finding none, I rocked and swivelled against him more purposefully.

"Babe," Riley croaked. "What are you doing? I was sleeping," he grumped then rolled over, making the bed rock. Rolling my eyes, I turned off the alarm and got out of bed. I stumbled my way to the bathroom, where my shower and hand-held shower head waited.

Feeling much more relaxed after my shower, I shook Riley awake and made my way to Elizabeth's room. Opening the blinds, I used the light from the window to search out clothes for her day. Laying out her outfit at the end of the bed, I gently shook my baby girl awake.

"Hey Pumpkin, its morning, time to get ready for school," I told her, brushing her hair back from her forehead. Elizabeth grumbled, rolling away from me and clutching her monkey stuffy closer to her chest. She is so much like her father in the morning.

"George will meet you at the table for breakfast," I told her, gently detangling the toy from her embrace. I turned and left the room, stopping once at the door. Reassured by the sight of my little girl sitting up and rubbing her eyes, I continued to the kitchen.

With George ensconced on his seat at the table, I put on the coffee and set out the cereal and milk. Riley walked into the kitchen as I pulled the bowls out of the cupboard. He greeted me with a jaw-cracking yawn and a nod, taking the bowls from my hands on his way to the table.

Riley set the bowls on the table and took a seat. Elizabeth ambled in, still half asleep, and took the chair beside her stuffed-monkey friend. Riley filled two bowls with cereal as I placed spoons down on the table before returning to the kitchen to fetch Riley and I each a cup of coffee.

While Elizabeth ate her cereal, and I took sporadic sips of my coffee, I brushed, parted, and plaited her long brown hair into two side-braids. With her hair and her cereal done, I sent her to brush her teeth and returned to the kitchen.

Placing my mug on the counter, I started slicing up an apple and an orange for Elizabeth's lunch. Riley finished his cereal and coffee and then came to stand behind me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"Cutting here," I said, as his movements jostled me.

"Sorry, Babe," Riley responded, moving away to lean on the opposite counter.

"Have fun last night?" I asked, placing the cut fruit into plastic baggies.

"Yep," he shuffled slightly, crossing his arms. "Sorry I got in so late."

I simply shrugged, popping the bags of snacks into Elizabeth's lunch bag.

"Well, I should go shower and head to the station, I love you, Babe," he said before brushing past me. The smell of stale beer and cigarettes faintly stung the air in his wake. I only hummed in response, continuing to pack up Elizabeth's school bag.

The day was cool and rainy, though not bad for January, both Elizabeth and I were wearing our hooded, winter coats. Elizabeth had protested, wanting to wear her new raincoat, but the wind was up today bringing with it the cold-damp ocean air. One could almost smell the salt tang mixed in with the musty earth smell of the forest around Forks.

We both had new wool socks on our feet inside our rubber rain boots and new wool mitts on our hands, courtesy of 'Uncle' Jake. Seriously, Jacob Black was the last person I would have taken as a knitter, but he said that it gives his hands something to do while keeping his mind focused and his eyes free. Apparently, all important tasks since he started working with Sam Uley at a security company in Los Angeles a few years back.

In less than ten minutes we were at the Fork's Elementary School. I knelt down after we had stopped, adjusted Elizabeth's pack on her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"I love you baby girl, have a good day," I told her, rising and backing up one step.

"Okay, Mommy, bye," Elizabeth responded as she bound away, her braids bouncing against the pack on her back. She stopped after several steps, spun around and waved with a grin plastered to her face, then spun again and continued on. Once I saw her joining her classmates on the playground, I turned and walked away.

The rest of the morning was spent with me slogging through the rain to the grocery store and back home. Riley had already left for work, driving our only vehicle, a Ford Focus. Once inside and the foodstuff put away, I put on a load of laundry, washed up the breakfast dishes and made the beds, until finally, I was able to sit down with a fresh cup of coffee.

Booting up my computer, I logged into my email. There was the usual notifications and spam, which I quickly deleted, a mail from my mom, Renee, which could wait, and one from my old friend from high school, Jessica Stanley.

I clicked and began to read through the letter from Jess. She wrote to me about once every month or two. Jessica is one of the few friends I made during my short time at Forks high who had really stuck. Well, stuck to a degree. I think she mostly liked having someone to write home to, to regal with her tales of living the single, LA life.

Jessica got a scholarship to UCLA, graduated with honours in education, and even completed her Masters. She works now as a teacher at a posh private school in Los Angeles. Jess always seemed like a self-absorbed airhead but appearances were deceiving. Jessica was smart, determined and had a plan. We both did. She was living her dream.

Not everyone from school moved away from Forks for good. Mike returned after finishing his business degree at Washington State, combining that with a minor in recreational tourism. He had plans for his parents' outfitters store. Lauren also left Forks for a few years, teaching English as a second language in Japan, before returning home. She had no plans to stay, just had no new plans period.

As I scanned through Jess's mail, I saw that it was mostly the same, talk about the beautiful weather, the clubs and her job. Then I saw it. _"I even got to meet Edward Cullen, during parent-teacher interviews. He is such a good dad. Isn't he that actor you like?"_

My next action registered only after I heard the crash of the mug splitting apart as it collided with the kitchen cabinet, my arm still in downswing. Fuck. My. Life. Why am I here? Was it ever my grand fucking plan to be basically an indentured servant?

With a great sucking breath I allowed myself the luxury of self-pity. Laying my arms on the table, I bowed my head and just sobbed. I cried for my lost years being young, studious and even stupid in university. I cried for the tedium and boredom of my domesticated existence. I cried because I was just plain lonely.

After a time my self-indulgent cries morphed to snuffles and I rose from my seat, making my way into the kitchen. I blew my nose with some paper towel and then quickly rinsed away my tears at the sink. With a sigh, I surveyed the mess I made with my tantrum, and gathered more paper towel from the yellow plastic holder attached under the cupboard.

Still sniffing slightly, and feeling foolish, I wiped up the coffee splatters and collected the remnants of the ceramic mug, throwing the whole mess into the trash. I suddenly felt utterly exhausted. Slipping down until I was sitting on the floor, my back against the cabinet, and my knees hugged to my chest.

What an utterly ridiculous display. What right do I have to feel sorry for myself? I have a roof over my head, a man who adores me and our daughter and I have Elizabeth. No matter how concerned or disappointed my parents were when I finally broke the news of my unplanned pregnancy, it all was resolved with the arrival of my beautiful baby girl.

She may be the reason that I will never again trust a condom stored in a guy's wallet, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Riley and I were living the American dream, were we not? We may not be married, but that was not because he didn't propose. It was enough that I was already following in my parent's footsteps getting pregnant in my first year in college. I was not going to add a shot-gun wedding to the mix. After the initial rejection, marriage just never came up again.

We were good - Riley and I, my mom and I, and Charlie and I. We have a good, safe, quiet life here in Forks. It was the perfect place to raise a small child.

_It's not enough._

With an annoyed snort and a final wipe to my now dry cheeks, I got up off the floor. I made my bed, now it was time to do what my Nana always said and just pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with it. No point looking back on the paths not taken.

Sitting back down in front of my computer, I closed out my email and opened up the Nightwalkers network site, and quickly updated my status. _"Just another day in paradise, what are all my loves doing today?"_

Fresh coffee in hand, I spent the next hour fielding responses to my status, commenting on discussion threads in groups and chatted with a few individuals. Over the years I have met people all over the world, establishing relationships based on more than just fantasy, though that is the core starting point. No judgements, no recriminations. My online world allowed me to be just me. Yes, I had a pseudonym, yet this was more the real me than the one that walked my daughter to school or served Sunday night dinner to Riley and Charlie. This was my social life. It was enough.

Draining my second cup of java, my eye wandered over my friend list to the side of the screen, spying the new name on the list. I clicked on the link to Midnight Solitude and opened a message box.

_Hey Midnight Solitude,_

_Thank you for the friend request and the compliment. Which story of mine did you read? Have you read much fanfiction. I have many other stories and authors I could recommend. Are you new to the fandom? Your name sounds lonely. Are you interested in meeting others? There are lots of groups where we meet to discuss fic, the books, the movies and well, just life in general. _

_If you are interested, let me know, I am more than happy to guide your way! :)_

_3 3 Eternally Beautiful 3 3_


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